a giant block of cement pressing down on my head,

a hand thrusting into my ear,

furiously squeezing my brain,

and twisting it around my neck in a tight knot.

every organ in my body bubbling up,

pushing outward in all directions,

on the verge of bursting through my skin

like a mutant monster begging to escape.

 

reminder: thoughts are just chemicals

swirling in the brain—a haphazard concoction.

yet they feel so real, speaking deep truths

I can’t help but believe.

interception feels impossible, overpowered by a force

to feel everything in extremes.

I accept my fate and let it take over

while I stand idly beside myself,

hoping to survive.

 

it's nothing new; I know exactly how this goes,

but still, each time feels like the end.

a cynical mind swears this is the one—

the one that promises no recovery

and will never let me be the same again.

 

a blinding light ahead reveals my escape,

but I can’t focus long enough to reach it.

I just close my eyes and keep counting

3

            2

                        1

until I come out on the other side

with no recollection of how.